Grinched

I’m going to say this loud enough so everyone can hear it. I’m not a Christmas person.

Let me say it again to make things clear: I AM NOT A CHRISTMAS PERSON.

I don’t recall ever believing in Santa Claus.

I’m the one who, when someone wishes me a  “Merry Christmas!” or even Merry Christmas’ secularized bastard cousin  “Season’s Greetings!” just shrugs and doesn’t say anything back.

The only Christmas movies I watch have either serial killer Santas or monsters in them.

 

POSTER-CHRISTMAS-EVIL

Christmas is not complete without a little Christmas Evil

 

I stop listening the radio at exactly 12:01 AM, November 1st.

You know why.

 

 

sobchek hates christmas

 

I’m the person who can walk past a Salvation Army bell ringer and not put any money in the bucket without a single shread of guilt.

Bah humbug.

 

I don’t hang Christmas lights. I’ve never owned an ugly Christmas sweater.

 

bad christmas sweater

Definitely not this guy.

 

I don’t sing Christmas carols. I would never do this outside Keira Knightly’s doorway:

 

love actually

God, Rick Grimes was so lame in this movie.

 

 

I only put up a Christmas tree because I live with other people. They’re the kind of people who like Christmas. I’m not. I’m not consumed with the Christmas spirit.

My heart is still three sizes too small.

 

 

the grinch's heart

 

I know the Whos were supposed to be the good guys, but I think the Grinch got a raw deal.

 

It’s not against the law to hate Christmas, you know.

 

 

grumpy cat hates xmas

 

 

Ok. I know. I know. My abnormal hatred/cynicism (I’m willing to admit it’s abnormal) of towards all things holly jolly yuletide and festive is rare. Not everyone holds with my beliefs. I suppose in the long run that’s a good thing. I guess the world would really suck if everyone was a Scrooge. It’s just that in this season of good will towards man, I’m wondering how much good will I actually have. Or need.

 

keep-calm-and-hate-christmas-15

 

 

You see, my problem isn’t just with Christmas. I’m in a bit of a moral pickle. I haven’t really figured out what my ethical point of view is. I’m an adult. I should have figured this out by now. I studied philosophy. I managed to convince those people to give me a degree. I write a philosophy blog and I more than occasionally write about ethics. And as a philosopher, I should really have my ethical poo together. But I don’t. I have no idea which or whose school of ethics I do or should follow.

 

 

philosophical now

 

 

This is important. Not just because the moral in every Christmas story is that nothing matters in the world more than living in the spirit of brotherhood not just on Christmas, but one every day of the year. But because when I’m out on the rare occasion that I shop for Christmas presents, my ethical point of view has more to do with my shopping than I think it does.

 

I WISH I COULD BE AS HAPPY AS THESE PEOPLE AT THE MALL

I WISH I COULD BE AS HAPPY AS THESE PEOPLE ARE WHILE I’M SPENDING MONEY ON STUFF … FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

 

 

I mean, should I buy a gift for a relative I despise out of a sense of deontological duty? Should I buy a gift that make everyone happy like a utilitarian would?

 

 

A big screen TV set should bring the greatest happiness for the most people, right?

A big screen TV set should bring the greatest happiness for the most people, right?

 

 

Or should I go Galt, declare my love for Ayn Rand and say screw everyone’s Merry Christmas and buy a shitload of presents for myself?

 

ayn rand's christmas

 

 

Because that’s what I really want to do. But I know I shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be the morally correct thing to spend all of my money on myself, even if I hate Christmas.

At least I don’t think it would be. Morally. Correct.

 

OH  SNAP!

 

See what I mean? How can I tell if it is or isn’t the right thing if I have no moral theory of my own? I really need help, here. Those gift cards gotta go to somebody.

 

 

gift-cards

 

 

Now I really do feel like a Scrooge. If only one of the three Ghosts of Christmas would show me the way…

 

 

NOT THAT ONE.

NOT THAT ONE.

 

 

I suppose, then, this is what Christmas is all about.

Christmas is about thinking about the things that should matter to us most, like our family and friends.

 

Even John Galt would agree that friends and family matter to some degree.

 

…. as long as they’re not moochers.

 

Christmas is about a group of kids discovering the meaning of Christmas while decorating a jacked-up Christmas tree. It’s about realizing that a single, wonderful life does makes a difference.  Or realizing we don’t need a Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot model air rifle to have the ultimate Christmas.

 

It’s about Billy finding out what happens if you feed Gizmo after midnight.

 

 

gizmo

 

 

And why climbing down your own chimney dressed as Santa Claus is always a bad idea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you think about it (thankfully not for too long), Christmas is about assessing who we are and what we believe in. It’s about caring for our fellow man whether they deserve it or not.

 

And occasionally, just occasionally, Christmas is about this guy:

 

 

black jesus

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Grinched

  1. Traditions, they don’t magically appear, they come from social contact. Holiday traditions are big and old and much maligned by what society has done to them, but in the end it’s up to each of us to decide to practice them or not and what they mean to us. According to my experience traditions are a good thing to have and shared traditions can be the best. Christmas is my yearly family spoiling tradition. It’s that one day a year I really go all out to show my people I’m thinking of them and that they’re part of me. I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere in life without them. It works for me because I’ve got great friends and family and plenty to be thankful for.
    Sorry you don’t seem to enjoy it, I wish I could have you over for some hot chocolate and cookies…

    • that’s kind of why i tacked the picture of jesus at the end. he’s more of a footnote to christmas these days than the actual reason.
      i guess i would say that i’ve become cynical to what the holiday has become — whether it’s the crass commercialism of christmas or the relentless “war on christmas” bunk you hear on fox news. that’s what that list of things i don’t do during the christmas season meant. as i said in the caption of the couple shopping, i wish i could be that happy spending money. i would be if i wasn’t constantly reminding myself that i’m overspending money i don’t have to make the walton family richer.

      so, that’s why i made it a moral issue. about figuring out what’s important about the holiday — whatever it is — family, friends, personal growth, whatever.
      i know how i wrote it, it comes off as terribly cynical and depressing.

      TMP

  2. “I know the Whos were supposed to be the good guys, but I think the Grinch got a raw deal. Its not against the law to hate Christmas, you know.”

    — Thank you. I come from a very religious family and I’ve never understood why people act like not enjoying Christmas is a big deal.

    I like to think I’m fairly nice around Christmas, but I don’t consider myself too much into the holiday.

    • One half of us was fairly religious in our youth (the our half is a lifelong atheist and doomed to Hell), but neither one of us is a Christmas kind of person. We’ll say “merry Christmas” if you say it to us first, but we’re not doing secret Santa.

      …. philosophy has nothing to do with it.

      CHEERS!

      TMP

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